By Kelsey Castañon
Product reviews are the insurance policies of online shopping: Sometimes, you just don’t feel prepared to take the plunge unless you’ve
read at least 12 glowing ones. Want to know if that $8 coconut-scented dental floss is worth it? Alex from Connecticut will tell you. Curious if anyone else got a whiff of rotten eggs from that face mask? The answer lies in Amazon’s comments section.
When it comes to beauty brand Lush, however, responses extend
far beyond the average “Five stars, will buy again.” Bath bomb reviews read like a Nicholas Sparks novel — and enthusiasm is measured in ALL CAPS LOCK. It’s because nobody, not even the NFL jersey-wearing regulars at your local sports bar, commit diehard fandom like a Lush enthusiast — which means getting a play-by-play on products is practically a guarantee.
Ahead, the reviews that will make you laugh, smile, gag, scratch your head, and (most likely) add to cart.
“I tend to wear shoes right into the ground, and with flats (which I wear sockless), that means they can get pretty smelly over time. Guv’ner has really extended the life of some of my favorite, most comfortable flats! I don’t care for the gritty feel of it when I first sprinkle it on my feet and into the toe of the shoe, and I do feel that it makes my feet sweatier than they would be otherwise, but the embarrassing stink is completely gone. When I take my shoes off, I no longer cough and gag; there’s just a faint, pleasant fragrance that reminds me of Fruity Pebbles cereal.” —
Lush The Guv’Ner Deodorant, $11.95, available at Lush USA.
“I bought a friend a gift set with this lotion in it, and my eyes bugged out of my head when I smelled it. OMG it’s like lavender and sugar cookie and a hug all rolled into one. I, like the dope I am, only bought one small sized jar for myself, because it’s Christmas and you’re not supposed to buy stuff for yourself, BUT THIS WAS A HUGE MISTAKE. Because this is seasonal, and when I realized my enormous error and went back, you guessed it, that ish was gone. Why smelling like God just winked at you should be a seasonal activity is beyond me, but I will be guarding my tiny jar like Gollum and hitting refresh on the Lush website obsessively until it’s back in stock.” –
Lush Sleepy Body Lotion, currently sold out.
“In the movie
American Hustle, J-Law’s character describes a nail polish that has smells addictive. She says something like, ‘It smells wonderful, but there’s something kind of rotten in it.’ I think she is describing this perfume. But in a good way.” – Sarah
Lush Death and Decay Perfume, $49.95, available at Lush USA.
“When I went into a LUSH store and expressed my interest in toothy tabs, a salesperson expressed her admiration for them, and recommended that I try BOOM. Everything sounded great until she told me they had chili powder in them. *Cue the record scratching* Let me tell you, I HATE chili. But she sounded like they were her holy grail product, so I decided to give them a shot. Boy, am I glad I did. Not only does it look cool when your spit matches your soul, but they leave a smooth, clean feeling in your mouth all day! (Even when you eat multiple bean burritos.) In addition, I’ve noticed that my smile has become blindingly white. *WARNING* Those around you may have to wear some heavy duty sunglasses.” –
Emma the Vegan
Lush Boom! Toothy Tabs, $10.95, available at Lush USA.
“First impression: Uh.. grandma. Three seconds later: OOOH. SEXY GRANDMA. Yes, yes, this scent is FANTASTIC. It feels classic and glamorous and sexy and makes me feel so confident. And less is more… one or two sprays is more than enough, but if you’re one of those go big or go home people like I am, layer it on. Drape yourself in it. Live in a cloud of Jasmine for the rest of your life.” —
Lush Lust Fragrance, $42.50, available at Lush USA.
“As I sit in my tub of thick, velvety delicious bubbles I feel that it’s only fair to share the greatness of this product with those not fortunate enough to have made its acquaintance. Bottom line, this product will get you the most bang (or bubbles) for your buck out of all the Lush products. The genius is it only takes a few crumbles under a running tap to creat[e] mounds of velvety bubbles. Know the kind you can make Santa beards and hats with? This is those bubbles. I was the happy recipient of a box of assorted fun for the holidays and I have been smiling every day since and here it is, February. Oh and cost/use ratio I even let my kids use it. I’m pretty sure that’s who it was intended for but ha! It’s mine now!!!” –
Lush Pink Fun, $8.95, available at Lush USA.
“When I unwrapped this bomb I was scared because I really didn’t want to be scrubbing glitter out of my tub for weeks, but I gave it a try anyway. It was pretty to watch… Until the tub started turning an ugly, brown, rusty color. I thought about not getting in because it looked so disgusting. But the smell was enticing. Think of the slight tingle in your nose when you smell cinnamon or cloves — it has that kind of affect to it. This would be a fantastic bomb to use with a partner if they don’t like the floral ‘girly’ smelling bombs. It reminded me a little of Old Spice, but not as masculine. Oh and it turned out that the glitter either didn’t exist or it just didn’t stick to my tub/skin because I didn’t have anything to clean up afterwards. Whew. This is one of my favorites. I’ll find a way to get over how ugly it is, lol.” –
Lush Metamorphosis Bath Bomb, $8.95, available at Lush USA.
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